Day 6: Hardest Thing I've Experienced

I've been thinking about this post knowing it was coming up. I wouldn't say there has been one thing in my life that has been extremely difficult. My parents are divorced but that happened when I was two and now I have awesome step parents. Leaving for college was difficult in a homesick kind if way but once I got settled it was also an amazing experience. The hardest thing I've probably experienced is my first year of teaching. I was way out of my element and had never really been told I wasn't good at something. I was working in the inner city and really had no idea what I had signed up for. That year my principal sat me down and told me I needed to change my teaching or move on. It was hard to hear bc my peer and friend was a rock star. After some reflection and observations of others in the building I found my inner super hero. I taught summer school to practice my new approach and come my secon year of teaching I met every challenge head on. There were daily challenges at that job that I never thought I'd see -- situations is be more than happy to share over a piece of chocolate cake :). What I didn't know at the time is those daily challenges were preparing me to be the teacher I am today. Although I'm no longer in the inner city I still work daily with young kids and work my hardest to do my very best for them not only with their education but with their livelihood. Those years gave me confidence that I am meant to be a teacher. I didn't give up then and I won't give up now. For every situation there is a logical and calm solution. I love what I do, even on the last day of summer. :)

5 Things That Make Me Happy

I must say I consider myself a very happy person. I'm sure Scott would agree and tell anyone I never suffer an unpleasant moment. At this moment in time these are the 5 things that make me most happy.

1. My daughter (duh, right?). Right now she's supposed to be taking a nap but all I hear is a tiny voice chit chatting about her goings on of the day.  She loves kids her own age, snuggling her parents, running in the garden, snuggling her dog, drinking her milk, watching cartoons, and dumping her toys. Each day she gets a little older and says something new and it astounds me and melts my heart a little more.
2. My husband (again, predictable). He is pretty awesome. Although I'm a happy person I'm also a LITTLE stubborn and decisive. He knows me so well and together we have a lot of love, laughter, and happiness. He is such a nice person I feel so lucky to be partnered with him for life.
3. My family - There are so many of them! My parents, my siblings, my grandparents, my cousins, aunts, uncles, ...  You get the picture. We have a great time when we get together. It is a family of love and although we have our faults like all families out there underneath everything is love.
4. Soda with cafine. I swore I wouldn't drink one every day once Audrey slept through the night but it just makes me happy to taste the sugar and drink the bubbles. I savor my soda for the afternoon when I can really sit and enjoy it.
5. The camera on my I phone. It's ALWAYS there. It takes video, pictures, posts to Facebook, etc. and that just makes me so happy. I have some of my favorite pictures with me in my pocket at all times.

Who can stop there?  Here are a few of the other things hat make me happy:

Candy, friends, running, second graders, new clothes, Target, pop music, reality tv, cake, sleeping in, shopping, swimming pools, scarves, cross county skiing, compliments, winning medals, winning in general, processed foods, new running shoes, being a mom, being a teacher, being a friend...  My time is up! The peanut beckons. :)

Day 4: Dear Sarah at Sixteen...

Ah, 16. How I miss thee. Here are some things you shoul know:

1. Go buy a bikini. You will never look this good again.
2. Be nice to your friends. They will be there for a life time
3. Don't turn left on Memorial after fighting with your boyfriend. It's an accident waiting to happen.
4. Spend more time with your family without complaining. Turns out they are pretty great.
5. Perhaps study a little more. You get good grades but you could also learn something too.
6. Enjoy your extra curricular activities. You get old and no one wants I see you in a leotard anymore.
7. You will meet a pretty great guy and have a cute little girl. No worries.
8. If you get the opportunity to study abroad, TAKE IT!!
9. Goin out of state for college is a great idea.
10. Don't go camping and lie about it. You'll be in big trouble...

Day 3: Family Relationships

I know the idea is to post about my relationship with my parents, but I would rather focus on my relationship AS parents.  I love my parents.  I have an individual relationship with each of them that I wouldn't trade for the world, and each relationship is different and unique.  I hope they read this blog and see that not only do I love them for being the parents they are to me and Scott, but also for being the grandparents they are to Audrey.

My relationship as a parent is something I spend a lot of time thinking about.  Being a parent has been something Scott and I have always spoken about, even when we were first dating.  We did the typical "I'll NEVER parent like that (lie) or MY child will not do _____ (another lie), but we had not idea what we were really in for.

I can't speak for Scott, but becoming a parent in a relationship was something that was difficult for me.  I have loved Audrey more than I can ever describe from the moment I knew she was even beginning to grow, and I've never seen someone love their little girl more than Scott (I'm sure every mom feels this way, but sorry folks, I'm right... ) :)  It wasn't always kittens and butterflies though.  Scott and I had to learn to evolve in our relationship from being married and independent and married with a child.  It wasn't always smiles and hugs.  I never doubted our love but it took a lot of communication, conflict, tears, and laughter to evolve into our relationship as parents.  It's hard to find that balance of maintaining an adult identity while also spending all of your time with your tiny little human.  We were tired, anxious, and also wildly happy with our new little family.

I'm not saying we're experts.  Each day brings decisions and compromises.  What do we say when she wants sweets between meals?  How much tv does she watch?  Who watches her while the other cleans (okay, those who know us know who cleans our house...).  Who leaves work early to get home in time to make dinner, play, and snuggle?  There are times our anxieties and sleep deprivation catch up to us and we lose sight of the bigger picture, but I would say our relationship as parents is one of love, respect, and most of all laughter.  It's because of our parents that we are where we are today, and hopefully someday Audrey will say the same of us.  My hope is that my relationship as a parent is a model of love, respect, humour, and trust.

3 Legitimate Fears

Hmm... Seeing as I'm someone known for my anxiety it's going to be difficult to narrow it down to only 3!  I would say my legitimate fears depend on the day, the hour, and possibly the minute :)

Today's legitimate fears:

1. I'm afraid of driving with Scott.  We can hardly take a road trip together because I never feel like he hits the breaks soon enough.  I think he takes years off my life each time we drive through Denver.  He's much less accident prone than I am, so yes, this is ironic, but a legitimate fear none the less.

2. I'm afraid of making people angry.  I avoid it at all costs.  I hate confrontation with ANYONE but Scott, which is how I know he is my perfect match.  I'm not afraid of making him angry at all... :)  I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, who I am, and who I love, but I agonize over how to do it in the most friendly way. 

3. I'm afraid of sending emails to the wrong recipient.  I triple check almost every email I send to make sure it is going to the intended receiver.  I'm not talking personal emails, I'm talking emails that simply say "sure" or "okay" or "We need chicken from the store".  It's time consuming!

20 Random Facts

1. I have strangely long toes and Scott has short stubby toes with hardly any nails.  We are constantly checking to see whose toes Audrey inherited.
2. I dance around my kitchen, especially around the holidays.  Now that we have wood floors I can't be stopped!
3. I despise morning breath, but love the smell of my baby's morning breath.
4. When I get stressed I crack jokes, which made giving birth an awesome experience (we had the hospital room in stitches!)
5. I hate cilantro.  I can taste it in any dish, no matter how miniscule the amount.
6. If I could live on sweets and candy, I would.  I love processed food more than anyone I know and have already let Audrey lick the bowl when making brownies and cake.
7. I love shopping and horde my extra cash so I can go on shopping sprees to treat myself throughout the year.  I was worried when I got pregnant that I would resent my kids for taking away some of my shopping budget, but I love buying clothes for Audrey more than I love buying them for myself (sorry Scott, you don't make the cut...).
8. I wish I had taken more pictures and written more down as I was pregnant.  I had great intentions, but life got in the way.
9. I'm 30, and I still don't sleep on Christmas Eve and have a reputation for making sure I get my fair share of presents.... :)
10. I love listening to music.  I have fantisies of writing a symphony but have no skills with which to complete this task...
11. I collect stationary and don't write letters.  I just love having pretty cards and paper in the house.
12. Right now I'm typing this list while watching Sesame Street and taking breaks to snuggle my one year old.
13. I was born to be a teacher.  It just makes sense to me.
14. I don't like to eat Chinese food before I fly because I'm worried my fortune in my cookie will be a bad omen.
15.My closet is organized by season and by color but my shoes are a jumbled mess.
16. I drink milk almost every day because I think it is delicious.
17.I have trouble backing out of the garage and drive on our lawn on average once a week.
18.  When I met Scott I was weirded out that we shared the same last name.  A friend of ours set us up to exchange Valentines and I was so mad because I thought that was extremely disgusting.
19. I knew I was going to marry Scott the second we started dating.
20. When I have trouble falling asleep I tap my fingers in different patterns on my pillow.  It's something I've done as long as I can remember. 

30 in 30

A friend of mine and her sister are blogging 30 different things in 30 days.  I find this concept fascinating and am hoping to complete the challenge myself.  I'm sorry to all those friends that share the three of us in common.  The beauty of these posts is I'm kind of completing this challenge as a way to document my life at 30.  When Scott and I were dating we filled out a book of questions together and learned so much about each other.  Unfortunately, we forgot the book and left it under the mattress of his college apartment (you're welcome future generations of Mizzou alumni).  I wish we hadn't done that because I would love to have documentation of our hopes and goals from our early 20's.  Scott is extremely busy and things are about to pick up for me (sob) so I can't guarantee every post, but I'm hoping we can do this together, and perhaps I'll learn a little about myself!

Here are the 30 topics:
Here are the 30 things:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.


READY...... GO!